Abstinence adversaries vent 12

By Tom Quiner

A reader took me to task for my post, “Abstinence vs. contraception:”

oral“This is a perfect story to share, it illustrates every point I’d like to make. A 13 year old girl having sex behind her parents back will obviously not have had an open discussion about birth control with them. Someone who gets pregnant while on the pill and using condoms is not using either correctly. I used condoms for almost 20 years with no problems, and then got pregnant within two months of trying for a child. You cannot sell these lies and expect to be taken seriously.”

The reader is rather touchy on this subject, accusing me of being a liar when I was simply quoting a letter from Dear Abby. Write Abby. Call her the liar, not this sensitive blogger.

Actually, the reader inadvertently makes my point. Adults are more likely to use contraception properly than teens, and even then, it can fail. Nonetheless, the abstinence adversary is not easily deterred:

“This child was an ignorant product of a society that does not educate teenagers appropriately. It is more likely that if her parents had had a frank and open discussion with her about sex, she would have chosen to wait till she was older, or at least would have know how to use birth control correctly.”

Actually, kids are getting lots of info about contraception. The writer to Abby emphasized she was “careful” in her use of contraception, going so far as to use double protection (the pill and condoms).

And yet she STILL got pregnant. Doesn’t that make adults want to scratch their heads and ponder if the acceptance of promiscuity is really a good thing? Shouldn’t we be rethinking this birth control fetish of the Left?

NO, says my reader:

“Presumably she was practicing abstinence (one of your 100%) *before* she started having sex. The abstinence statistic is utterly meaningless unless people can stay abstinent. You know this is not the case, please stop using it as if it means anything.”

Actually, I agree. Abstinence only works if you continue to abstain. Kids are more likely to abstain if adults provide the moral leadership to encourage such honorable behavior.

Kids are more like to take the plunge into promiscuity if adults think they’re going to do it anyway, so they’d better get some “protection.”

I guess I think more of our youth than the typical liberal.


  1. I feel it’s healthy and normal for adults to have premarital sex, providing that it’s what they want. Adults, that is. Teenagers are having sex too young – I remember how taboo it was when 13 year olds had sex and now it is becoming more of the norm. I don’t feel that teenagers are responsible enough to handle a sexual relationship and it makes me sad that they are so pressured to push themselves into adult behaviour. To the point that having sex at eighteen is considered “late.”

    I’m “liberal” in my values and political views, but I’ll never be able to accept that it is okay or healthy for teenagers to have sex. Sexual desire is one thing, but when you just give them condoms and tell them to have fun… that is very irresponsible. I think there should be more awareness and guidance taught by teachers and health professionals to help with the mindset that they don’t have to have sex. Teenagers should be made to feel safe if they choose to wait until they are old enough.

    If someone does want to be abstinent, I think that is also just as valid and correct. I do feel bad that people are ridiculed and made fun of for deciding not to have casual sex – or sex at all until marriage or at least until they are in a solid relationship.

  2. I have a number of issue with abstinence only policies. One of them is that, for reasons I don’t know, it increases the incidents of unplanned pregnancies [Kohler, Pamela; Manhart, Lisa; Lafferty, William (April 2008). “Abstinence-Only and Comprehensive Sex Education and the Initiation of Sexual Activity and Teen Pregnancy”. Journal of Adolescent Health 42 (4): 344–351].
    I imagine the reasoning is that people will have sex if they can, even if schools and adults support abstinence. When you add stigma and ignorance to the issue, it’s a real problem. If sex and contraception are taboo, people are not going to openly discuss it or seek help. They should feel comfortable doing that. It also reduces the availability of contraceptives (or, at least, the perceived availability). It limits options. But people are going to have sex anyway.
    I do agree that we should discourage children from having sex too young. At 13 I’m sure many people don’t understand the risks they’re taking on their health and wellbeing. But that involves training parents, not kids.

      • Tom, thanks for your on-going teaching even though you weren’t aware you were. I have also had responses to articles where it was obvious I was years away from getting through to someone. Your diplomatic short answer (when you really have the ammunition to oppose), keeps you from being dragged into an exchange of theses when you should be putting your resources into more effective areas!

  3. Reblogged this on violetwisp and commented:
    My good friends over at Quiner’s Diner have taken a comment I made over 6 months ago and turned it into this charming post about the evils of contraception. I’m blushing with the notoriety!

  4. Tom, WHEN will some of our readers learn that abstinence IS possible over months and even years? Maybe those of us who work hard at this “impossible” practice should come out of the closet we’re being stuffed into.
    But we’re likely to be dismissed as hypocrites. Too many believe in the animalistic view of current human society thanks to Obamacare, which is really HumanVetCare. Think I’ll use that in a blog article.
    Keep up the good fight! — Tony

  5. The problem here is we don’t know all the details. For all we know, the whole letter could have been fabricated. From what I have read, using someone else’s prescription is not that uncommon, which is not using contraception properly. The main problem with condoms is the seal gets broke but get used anyways or people think it is ok not to wear one until right before the male orgasm – thus ignoring pre-ejaculate.

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